Instagc Code June 2016

The code is good for 5 points , if you haven’t signed up for instagc yet do so here.

Then follow these simple instructions

 

Enter 6-10-2016 at instagc.com/codes free points.

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Sometimes I can’t

Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe like I can’t keep doing it. Stomach problems aside, my anxiety and all hit its peak, the other day, when all that kept popping up in my news feed, was the Standford rape case and the huge miscarriage of justice that it was that the judge didn’t want to ruin a rapist life by sending to prison with no thought for what it does to the victim.

As much as I would love to reach out to her, to let her know that it will be okay. It honestly wont, she will suffer the rest of her life even when things seem behind her and seem like it is going great something will throw her right back into it. She will survive and will get stronger, but out of no where the pain and nightmares will come back.

As much as I would love to say I’m okay I am not. I”m having to avoid facebook, till this case and the outrage (which is beyond justified goes away)….b/c I just can’t.

99.9 % of the time I am okay and I don’t think about it…that .01% can almost kill me though…especially when it results into a full blown panic attack, that leaves me sitting in the bathroom flooring trying to focus on a spot on the wall while screaming and pull my hair out, while my husband says for me to stop and pull my self together but sometimes I just can’t.

I feel bad because I no longer hang out with people…I just can’t…I wasn’t always like this but now the thought of having people over or worse yet meeting new people and hanging out is numbing, nauseating, and not even worth the effort…so no I will not be annoyed when my husband works late or goes to the gym or goes to work hours early…Most people need to be around other people…but I just can’t

I wish I could say that I could push it back down and put it behind me but I just can’t

 

And just like that my love evolved

Saturday was a very busy day for us the youngest had a recital and most of you know this is the first time Jody has seen any of his kids perform (well he saw Eden cheer a couple of times) but had never had to witness me turn into stage mom in all my stressed out glory. Prison took not only alot of his time but took alot of time away from the kids. Thats another blog post though (if you are interested in reading the blog I did while he was in prison go here).

Anyway I have known my husband pretty much all my life we met when we were 13 and I had an instant crush on him…so our relationship and my love has went through several different changes. And has grown and changed, never lessened. It may not be as passionate or chaotic as it has been. We are older and more mature, and in turn more comfortable, he has seen me at my best and my worst…but before I get to carried away.

I was freaking out which was causing Lily to freak out about her make up, when I got voted out of the mascara, then got booted from make up duty for a mommy time out….It gave me the opportunity to watch the bond between my husband and our youngest grow as she trusted him near her eye more than me….and made me realize that middle aged, parenting life can still be sexy and that when I thought my love for this man couldn’t get any deeper it just did

 

People exhaust me

People exhaust me…and not just negative people or dramatic people. Just people i general, and it has gotten worse since I have gotten older (and clean, I used to be able to hang out with tons of people for days and hours on end, but I was usually high, been clean for almost 10 years now, thats another blog post for another day)….

I feel bad for my family, especially my youngest and my husband, who seem to be more sociable than me, and would probably do more hanging out if I wasn’t such a hermit. My oldest is like me and prefers to not be around people. I do try but most the fail, and if I do try I can only keep up small talk or well any talk for around 30 minutes before I run out of things to say and then I try to listen but as an hour approaches  I begin to feel like my life is being sucked out of me literally and I have a hard time holding my eyes open, usually the people aren’t boring it is just mentally exhausting for me to be around people. Oddly enough my kids don’t have that affect on me, neither does Jody.

I have learned over the years how to fake social skills and smile and not say what is on my mind, like okay times up now I”m tired being around you forcing myself to listen to you talk about your kids, wife, family, pets vacation ect has drained me now go home or time for me to go thats all I can take.

Maybe I”m an odd ball and i know people think it is an excuse for me to not be around them, but it is not, it is physically and mentally taxing on me…If you want to communicate with me, text and facebook are awesome ways to do so, maybe not personal connections but atleast I don’t get drained from them.

 

 

#elsaneedsagirlfriend

Or not….

I don’t think she does. Before I get into why I want to make it clear I have zero against the LGTBQ community, I’m an active supporter of gay and lesbian rights, I have friends and family that are gay, my baby brother is marrying the love of his life and long term partner in June and I couldn’t be happier.

But I really don’t think Elsa needs a girl friend (nor am I excited about a sequel, I still know the entire script to Frozen). Elsa’s whole thing was strong single woman that didn’t need a man or well anyone, I think bringing Elsa a partner of either sex would ruin that.

Solution make a new movie and have either the prince or princess as a gay/lesbian character..

Thats just my two cents on why #elsaneedsagirlfriend

Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts

So many people think having a wedding band is important. To be honest I’ve went through 3 bands since we finally got married almost 9 years ago (July). Usually I lose them at work when my hands sweat and I take off rubber gloves I don’t notice that it is gone till the trash is taken out and sorry not sorry I’m not dumpster diving in a fast food restaurant…And my husband has swelling problems in his hands.

So when an article popped up on Facebook about couples tattoos I fell in love with the idea of wedding band tatt’s…Years ago we wanted to do but a shop refused then he went to prison…So after saving up the money, we got them done and since his birthday is Saturday and mine is in June, our anniversary follows in July we did a combination gift.

It took maybe 20 minutes for both and no it didn’t really hurt to bad and I”m in love with our new set and don’t have to worry about loosing it.